Miracles

" Behold, are not the things that God hath wrought marvelous in our eyes? Yea, and who can comprehend the marvelous works of God?"- Mormon 9:16, The Book of Mormon

That is how I feel today.  My heart just feels so full as I reflect on this past year and the miracles that have been wrought and the changes that have occured in my heart.

I have been reminiscing this past week about those first appointments we had for Russell's scoliosis, learning that it was getting worse, that if things kept continuing at the rate they were progressing then his heart and lungs would be affected, the quality and possibly the length of his life would be diminished, that he would have serious problems resulting from this deformity for the rest of his life.  I remember feeling like the walls were closing in and mainly wondering "Why?".  Trying to mesh the knowledge that there is a plan for this life and all things work together for our good, with the fact that I didn't WANT to go through this.  Feeling angry, yet guided and led to the doctors we needed to see at the same time.  So many emotions, so many decisions that we had to make.  I found out about a great treatment (the Mehta casting plan that we eventually went with) in the same appointment that I found out what would happen if we did nothing.  That was surreal.

I have learned a lot in the past year.  Here are just a few things I have learned (most are still a work in progress):

1.  My attitude is dependent on how I choose to see what we're going through, and how I choose to talk about it to others.  I have talked to many of you when I was feeling very negative about this, and so that's how I talked about it, and of course how I saw it.  I had to choose to talk about it in a positive way, to truly see it that way.  I had to express faith to feel faith.

2. My attitude directly affects the attitudes of the whole family.  I don't like this.  But it's true.  Especially the other three kids.  They are listening and paying attention-and they're trying to figure out how to feel about this themselves.  This journey has been one our whole family has gone on together. 

3.  My attitude directly affects how other people feel about what we are going through,  and I've learned I don't actually like pity.  I used to think I did.  Then I read in the Family Home Evening resource manual that self-pity is a bad thing and it stops your progression through adversity.  This was like turning on a light for me.  I had no idea how bad it was.  It was a leap of faith for me to stop feeling so bad for myself and my family, and to trust that I didn't need anyone's pity.  Coming out of that narrow-minded tunnel has taught me that what we've been through truly ISN'T bad.  Really-even considering everything-it could have been so much worse.  It IS so much worse for so many other people.

4.  It's important to grow and learn and to take action when going through hard things.  The more you focus on what you CAN do  and then actually do it, the more empowered you feel, and the less burdened you feel.

5.  My testimony that all things work together for our good is stronger than ever.  It really is true.


I don't know why we've been so blessed this past year.  Russell's scoliosis is being cured.  That doesn't always happen. I belong to a support group, and it's about 50/50.  His original curve seems to be right in the middle of all the cases-there are a lot who start out with larger curves, but just about as many start out with smaller curves.  Some who have very similar numbers to what Russell started out with, aren't getting any correction.  There are so many kids who have had 10+ casts.  Who have been casted for years.  I don't know why we've been so blessed.  It's probably best to not concentrate on the why, but instead just to be grateful.  And remember to share with others who need it.  I'm so grateful.  I didn't know where we would be at this time when we started last year, but we're in a great place.  One more cast to go!